October 5, 2015
She's Not Afraid to Talk to Machines

My mom has had some pretty interesting conversations with computers.  It's not the usual talk-to-your-inanimate-desktop-machine variety that we all have had occasion to do in rapt frustration.  These are real, "live" voices continually badgering her on the telephone.  Mom seems to have a penchant for attracting the rude, exotic and unusual animated phone callers.  

Not one to impolitely dismiss someone without cause, she has been known to endure a lengthy, slick pitch before cutting them off with a curt hang up. Other times she will strike up an interchange with the voice on the other end of the line in hopes of achieving a satisfying resolution to the situation.

And you've got to know just how that's going to end.

The other day when their television service froze in midair, she dialed up the helpline of their cable company in hopes of finding a solution to the situation.  "She hung up on me three times!" Mom uttered in disgust, describing the rudeness of the operator on the line.   Apparently Ms. Computer could not factor exactly what mom was telling it - her grievances did not fit the usual 4 to 5 menu choices given.

Desperately, mom began frustratedly punching buttons in random fashion in hopes of discovering a resolution.  And eventually she found one in the form of a real, living voice on the line.  

This young man, she said, was very helpful and fixed the dilemma of the stuck T.V.  Most likely, the hero-man speculated, the rude operator was the recent hire from the competitor's side.  I contend she was a sour-puss computer that got up on the wrong side of the bed and wasn't in a benevolent mood.  Maybe it was even a Monday.

Mom is the kind of woman who isn't afraid to voice her opinion. So when a favorite product is somehow altered or discontinued, or even substandard,  she has the urge to tell someone. And she doesn't mess around, but goes straight to the top every time.  Often her dialing to complain serves more than one purpose:  the frustration that she feels tends to dissipate somewhat after voicing her disappointment, and sometimes the company even sends her gifts meant to appease her sore soul in the form of coupons or free product certificates.  Whether this makes up for the switch in packaging from a trusted and tried form or the switch to some inane new fangled version it's hard to say.

You have to give my mom credit though.  She has jumped right into the space age rather gracefully.  She has taken to the computer and social media like a pro.  She emails her children and grandchildren and enjoys  receiving their letters.  She even places online orders for merchandise.  Yes, mom is a completely modern, albeit traditional woman.

At first there were a few gaffs, though.  One morning she picked up the phone to discover a voice telling her that her department store order had arrived and was ready for pickup.  "It sure is a nice day, isn't it," Mom said pleasantly.  Then she went on to continue the conversation with the smooth-voiced messenger, only to find that it was a computer, incapable of sensing pleasant or not. 

Eventually she learned to detect such tomfoolery and avoid the pesky telemarketers altogether.  Caller I.D. became a favorite tool of hers. She used it to detect when someone they dubbed "Charlotte" continually phoned them at the same time every day.  Likely some entity bent on preying on folks their age to sell them worthless services, this woman stood no chance with my mother though.  Eventually Charlotte gave up, or more likely placed their number at the bottom of the call cache, and the phone calls discontinued.

Score one for mom.

In the game of telecommunications I'm not sure if one can ever win, but it doesn't hurt to try.  And if you can't win, then at least strike up a conversation with the offender.  Just think, you'll probably be saving some other person from receiving a pesky mechanical call.